A Hand

I am thankful for the hand

That reaches out when down

I am thankful for the hand

That spreads kindness all around

I am thankful for the hand

That has a healing touch

I am thankful for the hand

That repairs my heart so much

Though my hand is rough

Has seen its better days

I offer it to you

To help along the way

 During my life's journey I have had so many ups and downs.  I have made mistakes.  I have had dissappointments.  I have heartache.  The biggest mistake I have ever made was not taking hold of the kind hands that reached out to me.  Thankfully they remained steady, kept reaching out.  I would not be where I am today if not for the outreached hand.

Now is my time to pay it forward.  So I reach out my hand to you.




Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

Laughter and Tears

Laughing through the tears

Crying behind the smile

I know that I am healing

I know it takes awhile

But knowing what to do

Before I reach that goal

Is often quite a struggle

And often takes it's toll

The battle makes me weary

Often I feel drained

But I keep moving forward

Fighting to be unchained

So I will keep on crying

Collecting all my tears

And I will keep on laughing

Dispelling all my fears

For there will come a day

About my tears I'm asked

I will simply smile and say

That is just my past



The path to healing is the most difficult path I walk.  There are no maps, no guides not even a compass.  I am the only one who has ever walked this particular path.  And though I have walked it before as my life, I find roadblocks all along the way.  Sometimes I find things along the path that I have hidden so well that I have forgotten they were there.  At times I have attempted to alter the path to avoid the shadows, let alone the wounds of particular events.  Some days the task before me looms over my soul.  All I want to do is stop where I am and call it good.

But I am determined to keep moving.  I want to know what whole feels like.  It is my desire to know a peace within me that cannot be shaken.  I want to experience a life free of shadows.  I want to step into the warmth of the sun.  I want to heal.  And so I go on.

Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.



Out

Out of whack

Out of time

Out of sorts

Out of my mind

Out of my wits

Out of line

Out of control

Out of sight

Out of tune

Out of practice

Out of work

Out of the box

Out of the question

Out of the cold

Out of money

Out of patience

Out of coffee

Out of milk

Out of fashion

Out of shape

Out of place

Out on a limb

Out in left field

Out of the closet

Out of proportion

Out of bounds

Out of step

Out of character

Out of circulation

Out of gas

Out of luck

Out of reach

Out of order

Out of date

Out of season

Out of service

Out of pocket

Out of touch

Out of breath

Out of my league

Out of my way

OUT OF IT

Now to go all out

Figure out

Clean out

Find out

Get the lead out

Throw out

Rise out

Turn out

Look out

Think out

Weed out

Work out

Take out

Stick it out

Or maybe sit it out

Get kicked out

Slip out

Ship out

Weasel out

Strike out

Fall out

Chicken out

Check out

Bug out

Back out

Act out

Now i am tuckered out

Down and out

Fresh out

Forced out

Far out

Causing fall out

Burned out

Zonked out

So I say...

I'm out

Any given moment of any given day, I am out of something.  I spend so much time out that I don't know what it means to be in.  And I am not the only one.  I often hear people say they are out of any number of things.  So if we are all out, does that mean we are all in?

Should I be striving, fighting, struggling to be in?  What is so great about being in?  Who determined that in is better than out?  If I am in, do I have to stay in?  What if I want to go out?  What if I get in and don't like it?  What if in is not me? 

Perhaps it is time to break out of the mold.  Perhaps it is time to be out.  If I accepted that out is right for me, would I still be out of my mind?  Something to think about.

Peace out.




Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

What's In A Name

We're given a name

And guidelines to life

Taught about joy

Taught about strife

Then comes the day

We're out on our own

Bombarded with life

To face all alone

The colors we choose

The life that we lead

Is by our design

Fail or succeed

Today was a party art day.  Alexandra, Marc, Kaycee and Marie all joined in the fun.  It was interesting to watch as each of them started with the outline of their name and created a work of art.  All were very different and unique. 

As a mother I gave my children names.  I taught them life lessons to the best of my ability.  Along the way I made some mistakes.  Now it is up to them.  What their life looks like is of their own creation.  As much as I would like to have more influence, I have done my job.  It is their life.  It is their masterpiece. 

What does your masterpiece look like?




Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

To Be a Giraffe

If i could be just like a giraffe

Oh the things within my grasp

If i had a long thick neck

Oh the things that i could get

If I stuck my neck out

If I took a chance

The things that I could see

With just a passing glance

If i stood so grand and tall

I could simply reach it all

Have you ever let an opportunity go by because of the risk it involved?  Have you ever let a budding friendship wane because your heart was fearful?  Ever have a dream that you didn't pursue because you were convinced it was beyond your reach?  Do you play the "if only" game because you didn't take a chance on something?  Wouldn't it be great to be a giraffe?

A giraffe doesn't consider the risks of reaching for the top branch, he simply reaches.  A giraffe doesn't let fear paralyze him, he just reaches.  A giraffe has no fear of sticking his neck out.  He just does it.  Imagine how far you could see if you were a giraffe.  Imagine what you could reach.

Today I'd like to take a chance.  Today I'd like to see beyond my fears.  Today I'd like to be a giraffe.

Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

A Horse Of A Different Color

A horse of a different color

I am not the same

There is some resemblance

I carry the same name

I don't fit the mold

I think a different way

And yet I still belong

Each and every day

I walk a different path

Which changes as I go

I want to change the world

I want so much to grow

I see through my own eyes

And see through their eyes too

Which filters through my mind

And creates a different view

We are much alike

But I am my own author

This simply makes my life

A horse of a different color

Sometimes when I look at the circles that I am a part of I wonder why things look so different to me.  And yet some things are enough alike to still be a part of the circle.  When I look at my family of origin, I see the similarities and the differences.  When I look at my children, I see how we are alike and yet we all have different interpretations of life.  When I consider my friends, we see some things the same and some things opposite.

Is it really so bad to be different?  Would I really want to be a part of a world where everyone is the same?  The beauty of life is often in our differences.  How would I grow if we were all the same?  How would I become more if there was only one view?  If we all made paper, who would make pens?  Who would write books?  Who would read them? 

Aren't we all a horse of a different color?

Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

My Easter Parade

Easter parades before my eyes

Memories from all the days gone by

Hunting for eggs in pajamas

Grass on the floor

And in my basket

Donning a dress

Shiny new shoes

A little white purse

My hair in curls

The years marched on

I became a mom

Hiding the eggs

Before the dawn

Waking the children

Watching them search

Dressing them up

And off to church

My babies

My babies

Where have they gone

I turned around and they were grown

Easter always reminds me of time passing.  When my children were small, easter meant filling baskets, cooking dinner, hiding eggs, making easter outfits and, of course, pictures.  I would spend two weeks preparing for easter; buying baskets and candy, filling the candy eggs, counting as I went.  I always wanted to make sure they all had the same amount.  During those two weeks, I would be up late every night sewing or crocheting their outfits.  As they got older they nixed the matching outfits, but I still remember parading around with my beautiful children all dressed alike.  I remember going to the mall for pictures.  People would stop and watch us walk by.  The more they smiled, the taller I walked.

There are some things I just don't like to let go.  I continued to hide easter eggs until they were all out of high school.  Every child was assigned a specific color of egg.  They all had the same number of eggs and pieces of candy.  I would hide the eggs and call the children.  Every year one egg would disappear.  It was a different child's egg every year, but without fail, one would be lost.  You would think that I would know where I had hidden all the eggs minutes before.  Alas, one egg was always lost. 

Although I no longer hide eggs for my kids, I still give them easter baskets every year.  I just don't want to let go.  Handing them the basket every year reminds me of all the years when they were small.  When I hand them the basket I see them one more time in their bright colored sweaters.  I am reminded one more time of the greatest gifts I have ever received. 

This year the parade marches on.  This year I will watch my son hide the eggs.  I will watch my granddaughter search.  And I will watch her discover the glory of plastic eggs with treasures inside.  Today I will see the traditions passed on.  Today I am thankful for my Easter Parade.

Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

A Thimble Of My Thoughts

A thimble holds a memory

A moment of my past

A thimble holds a story

That in my heart will last

A thimble marks my life

Good things along the way

A thimble holds my joy

A beautiful bouquet

A thimble holds my heritage

A picture of my history

A thimble offers comfort

In a very special way

My thimbles mark my journey

The life that I have had

My thimbles help me remember

That things are not so bad

Let's consider the capacity of a thimble.  A thimble is small indeed.  It fits on the end of your finger.  You can carry it in your pocket, throw it in a box and lose it in the shuffle.  If you see the thimble as a moment in your life, how many would you have?  How many will you collect today?

On the flipside, a thimble can hold an immeasurable amount.  When I hold a thimble in my hand, memories come flooding back into my heart and mind.  I have a thimble that belonged to my great grandmother.  When I hold the thimble, I remember all the time we shared together.  I remember all of her stories.  I remember her incredible stamina and grace.  I remember my rich heritage.

I have a thimble from Sea World in San Antonio.  When I hold it in my hand, I remember the only vacation my kids and I had.  I remember all the great things we saw, the smiles and the laughter.  I remember visiting my grandparents and my uncle's and aunt's.  I remember counting out skittles into baggies so each child had the same amount.  I remember packing and repacking them.  I remember the music that I played on the trip (and so do my children). 

I have a thimble from a monopoly game that reminds me of game nights when I was a child.  It also reminds me of game nights with my children;  the laughter, the competition, the camraderie. 

So as the world struggles and the economy worsens, I turn to my thimbles.  This moment, this struggle, is another thimble in my life.  It seems big right now, but in the grand scheme of things, it is only a thimble.

Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

The Heavy Heart

Today my heart seems heavy

With tears I cannot cry

There's no earthly reason

For my heavy sighs

My mind keeps on reviewing

Things that I have lost

And so I sit here counting

Adding up the cost

Living in the shadows

Of my heavy heart

Searching every corner

For the missing part

The one I've been protecting

Trying to conceal

For when it sees the light

Then finally I can heal

A heavy heart, do you know what I mean?  It is not a bad day.  It is not because it's raining.  It's more than that.  Your life is fine.  Everything is moving along.  You are getting things done.  You're moving forward towards your goals.  And then BAM, you are plunged into a dark, oppresive place.  A place that is smothering, like being caught in twisted blankets.  The more you struggle, the more tangled you become. 

When you finally quit struggling, you realize the heaviness, the overwhelming sorry is coming from inside of you.  Because the sadness is so profound you start looking for the trigger.  What could possibly have happened to cause this downward plunge?  While you are searching, your mind keeps flashing back to a simple phrase from a conversation, or the smallest glimpse of a simple act.  You keep dismissing the small things.  You keep searching for something significant that has happened to cause this slide into oblivion. 

And then you realize, it is the flash, it is the glimpse that has put you on this ledge.  It is the little things that have touched a part of your heart that has been locked away, pushed aside, buried deep in the recesses of your soul. 

It is time to expose this part of your heart to the light.  It is time to walk through the pain.  It is time to let the tears fall.  It is time to let healing flood this part of your soul.



Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

Measuring Up

Looking deep inside myself

Searching wall to wall

Do I dare stand tall?

Looking at my heart

Checking all the corners

Do I love enough?

Looking at my hands

Studying all the lines

Are they strong and kind?

Examining my feet

Questioning their might

Can they carry light?

Challenging my shoulders

Living with the strain

Can they bear the pain?

Looking through my eyes

All the faces that I see

Do they measure me?

I often struggle when it comes to measuring my value.  When I look at what others have accomplished, I fall short.  When I look at how others show kindness, I see myself as harsh.  When I look at other mothers, I wish that I could be like that.  When I look at others' relationships, I am convinced that my heart is made of stone.  When I look at others' successes, I become a failure.

It is hard to measure your value if you compare yourself to others.  I find it is more beneficial to measure who I am today against who I was yesterday.  If I am better today than I was yesterday, then I am successful.  I have to measure my life based on me.  To measure any other way, is a recipe for disaster. 

I have to live for me.  I have to be thankful for today.  I have to be the best that I can be today.



Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

A Puppet On A String

I grow weary

Like a puppet

On a string

Pulled in all directions

By things I can't control

Actions predetermined

 

I am so exhausted

Like the puppet

On a string

Emotions running rampant

Bombarded every day

Pushed the wrong direction

 

I'm becoming listless

Like the puppet

On the string

Waiting for directions

From the puppet master

Feeling my impatience

 

Perhaps

It's time

To cut

The strings

 

Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

A New View

Out on a limb

Tried something new

Reaching new heights

Enjoying the view

Not looking back

Not looking down
Just hanging on

And looking around

Releasing the past

As the sun sets

Shedding a tear

Dismissing regrets

Take a deep breath

Watch the sun rise

Face the new day

With hope in my eyes

Taking a step outside my comfort zone is frightening.  I want things to be different. And yet, I still hesitate and struggle with trying something new.  What is most frightening?  Hard to say.  Sometimes I am convinced I will fail.  Sometimes I fear the judgement of others.  Sometimes I am unsure of the results.  What if I don't like the change?  Then what?

As you can see, I finished my painting.  I tried new techniques, new brushes and a new concept.  I even went way outside my norm by choosing yellow as a background.  You see, I hardly ever use yellow.  I have a collection of yellow paint left from all the sets I have bought over the years.  I use every other color until they are gone.  Yellow remains in the box.  Well, yellow is out of the box.  And I like the results.  It seems to be the perfect choice.

Curious that the one thing I usually avoid became the perfect choice.  Life is much like that.  We avoid certain things that end up being exactly what we need.  We surround ourselves with what we know.  Refusing to let anything new touch our hearts.  Shutting off our soul from the one spark that can give us the new life we desire. 

Go out on a limb.  Take a chance.  Let yellow out of the box.  It is a wonderful view.

Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

A Different Stroke

A different stroke

A different brush

A different color

A different look

A new perspective

A new approach

A new technique

A new result

Unique desire

Unique view

Unique heart

Unique you

A slower pace

A higher cliff

An open heart

A broader view

This life is yours

So take a look

Then take a chance

And find your nook

Things are the way they are.  That is the way they have always been.  I have always been this way.  All phrases we have heard so often.  And all phrases we have uttered.  And we wonder why we don't change.  We wonder why life doesn't get better.  We wonder why we feel stuck.  We wonder why we don't heal.

It is time for something else.  Just because this is where we are, does not mean it is where we always have to be.  If what has always been doesn't work, time for a change.

In the past I would paint an entire painting with one brush.  I would choose my colors and take off.  I would finish the painting in one sitting.  I have been working on my current painting for several days now.  As you can see it is still not finished.  But I am learning so much.  I am using several different brushes.  I am trying new techniques.  I am experimenting with different colors.  Each day as I approach the painting I see it differently.

This is so much like my life.  It is a mirror image of my healing path.  By slowing down and trying different things I am creating something unique and extraordinary.  Each day is a new adventure.  Getting out of bed each day is a pleasure instead of a chore.  Each night I lay down a better person than I was that morning.

Don't like where you are?  Not fond of what you see in the mirror?  Tired of feeling stuck?  Want an extraordinary life? 

Try a different stroke.



Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

I Want It Now

There is no magic genie

No waving of a wand

No snapping of the fingers

No mystic from beyond

This isn't instant oatmeal

Or  pastry from a box

It's not a frozen dinner

No response to clocks

I can cry

I can scream

Throw a fit

And stomp my feet

Healing is a process

Just takes time you see

So take a calming breath

For what will be

Will be



Ever have a dream that is so intense that you can almost reach out and touch it?  Almost taste it.  Ever want to make a change so desperately that it is a burning fire within you?  But you get lost in the smoke.  Ever wake up in the morning convinced that things were different?  But they were exactly the same.

In this world of instant gratification, so many dreams and desires die within us.  We want something different.  And we want it right now.  We expect to get rich overnight.  We expect to have a perfect body overnight.  We expect to have a perfect life overnight.  We expect change overnight.

The reality is, it doesn't work that way.  We have to work at it.  We have to practice patience.  We have to walk the path before us.  We have to persevere.  As my grandfather says, "Anything worth having is worth waiting for".   

My son and I both paint.  He uses oil paints.  I use acrylics.  He spends several days perfecting a painting.  I spend several minutes.  He creates a masterpiece.  I create a painting. 

It is time for me to stoke the fire of my dreams.  It is time to realize that I am worth it.  It is time to work everyday towards the desires of my heart.  It is time to heal.  It is time to change my mantra from "I want it now" to "I want it enough".



Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved. 

Simply do the First

The first word written

The first line drawn

The first color chosen

The first seam sewn

The first foot out of bed

The first step of a trip

The first seed planted

The first word's past my lips

No novel will be written

No drawing will be seen

No canvas will be covered

No chance to intervene

No work will be completed

No garden will be grown

No countries will be toured

No garment will be worn

Until I have the courage

Unless I find the strength

To trust myself enough

To simply do the first...

When I woke up this morning, the house was so very cold.  And my bed was so very warm.  So I pulled the covers over my head.  As I lay there in between dream and consciousness, the list of things to do today started swimming in my head.  So I bravely threw the covers back and started the day.  Then I quickly put on the warmest clothes I could find.  Stumbled down the hall to turn on the computer and start the coffee. 

For some reason I am struggling today.  I sat in front of the empty computer screen for ten minutes searching for the first word, the first line.  How ironic, don't you think?  I know that my heaviness, my hesitation is because of fear. I feel like I am on the brink of a new phase in my life.  And while I am very excited,  I am also scared beyond belief.  To take the first step blindly is to take a chance of failing.  Why do I always assume I will fail?  There are many things I have done successfully.

Taking that first step implies a commitment to change.  Making a commitment means realizing you are as likely to sink as you are to swim.  You are as likely to fall as you are to fly.  The curious thing is, sometimes I think I have as much trepidation of swimming, flying and succeeding as I do of failing.  The unknown, regardless of the outcome, can be paralyzing.  I cannot let my fear impede my progress.  What lies ahead may very well be the best time in my life.

Today I pray for the courage to take the first steps. 

Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

Reaching for the Tools

A writer opens her computer

An artist takes her brush

A carpenter picks up his hammer

A chef turns on the stove

A garderner prepares the soil

A seamstress threads the needle

Me... I open up my heart

A writer composes with words

An artist applies the paint

A carpenter builds with wood

A chef designs with food

A gardener requires seeds

A seamstress must have cloth

Me...I create with love

We all have the ability to be something special.  We all have the ability to create.  We all have the tools to contribute to the world around us.  It saddens me when I hear someone say they are not creative, that they are just an average person.  Each of us hold a unique view of the world.  Each of us have something to contribute.

You don't agree?  Then let me ask you?  Are you a mother, a father, an uncle, an aunt, a sister, a brother, a friend?  Can you smile, give a good hug?  Can you listen?  Can you laugh?  Can you cry with a friend?  Can you write a note?  Can you hold a child?  Can you offer kindness?  Can you reach out your hand?

Then you, my friend, are an artist.  Let the painting begin.

Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

Idea

I have a great idea

Started as a whim

A little inspiration

Blowing in the wind

I have a a great idea

Flashing through my mind

Lurking in the shadows

A little undefined

I have a great idea

Lingering on my brow

Beginning to develop

Becoming clearer now

I have a great idea

Right before my eyes

Time to get it started

Before the idea dies

Through the years I have had many ideas, some have even been epiphanies.  The tragedy, getting so caught up in the mundane of everyday that they go away.  Looking back I often ponder what might have been if I had followed through on an idea.  Even the small ideas have the potential of changing my life and those around me.

The challenge becomes hanging onto the ideas long enough to see them through.  It seems that I have many of these ideas when I am running errands, driving in the car, in the middle of a conversation or rushing to get something done.  It is not that I don't have the time to follow through.  It is that I can't do it immediately.  So how do I hang onto my thoughts?  IDEA!!!  Write them down.  So I recently started carrying a journal and a pen with me.  Now I can capture my great ideas.

As I look back over my ideas I sometimes find ones that don't make sense.  I have discovered that often these ideas are just not completely formed yet.  I need more time, information or input for them to become a full fledged, life changing idea.  It is a treasure chest of magic.

Hang on to your ideas.  No idea is stupid.  No idea too simple.  They just may need time to develop.

Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.

Molding a Masterpiece

Molding a creation

Takes a little clay

A little imagination

And desire to play

The molding of my life

Is simply just the same

Taking all the strife

the tears and all the pain

Adding in the memories

the hope that's in my heart

The dreams that live in me

Create a work of art

Molding my creation

Takes a little time

My imagination

On a journey that's divine

Today I see my life as a masterpiece in progress.  I have created what I am today.  The path that I have walked.  The choices I have made.  The people that I love.  The friends that I have chosen.  All of these things have determined who I am today.  Along the way there have been things that have happened that were out of my control.  And yes they have added to my masterpiece.  How prominent they are is completely up to me. 

One of the beauties of creating, is I can change it if I don't like it.  Change comes in many forms.  If there is something in my life that isn't working I can take it out.  If it isn't working the way I think it should, I can add to the creation.  Sometimes adding another color changes what already exists.  Sometimes I just need to change the shape or the depth of color. 

The important thing for me to remember is what my life is today is only the canvas for tomorrow. 

What does your masterpiece look like?

Potential

Potential can't be measured

With a simple glance

No telling what is possible

If given half a chance

Latent gifts

In me abide

Aspirations

That I hide

Hoping, Praying

For the day

They're invited

Out to Play

There is potential

In your heart

Simply waiting

To be a part

What lies in you

What lies in me

Creates a sight

The world should see

So if your willing

Take my hand

And together

We will stand

Together let us

Run this race

And make this world

A better place

Potential is an untapped resource in many of us.  Too often we judge the people around us and ourselves based on looks, words on a paper, words of others or history.  What we don't always realize is potential can't be seen or measured by conventional methods.  Sometimes you don't realize your own potential or the potential of those around you until you are knee deep in a new situation.  Often times we let our past cloud the beauty of the possibilities that lie within us.  We perceive ourselves as broken or shattered. 

As you can see in the picture above each of the pieces of glass are unique and beautiful.  These pieces of glass are destined to be broken.  They are going to become a part of several different mosaic projects.  By being broken and combined with the pieces of others unique creations exist.  The pieces are put together in a way that can never be duplicated.

So if you are broken, it is time to grasp hope.  Now you can become an important part of something the world has never seen. 

Copyright 2011 Ramblings by Dawn.  All rights reserved.