Ramblings by Dawn: May 2011

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Spent

I feel as if

There's nothing left

So for now

Here I sit

My mind is full

Of recent days

Now I'm worn

And in a haze

I feel as if

My light's gone out

And my heart

Is full of doubt

I've been running

To and fro

I've misplaced

My inner glow

I've been going

Day and night

I've nothing left

I just can't fight

Although I know

That life goes on

Today it's best

I stay withdrawn

Tomorrow

is another day

I know that I

Will find my way

Moving on

Is my intent

But for today

I'm simply spent

Craziness has been in control of my life the last few weeks. So many things that were beyond my control. So many situations that pierced my heart. I have kept my candle burning day and night, trying to sort through the chaos and deal with the important things.

Today I am out of wax. And frankly I just don't feel like lighting the candle. Today is a day of reflection for me. It is my time to sort through all the events of the last few weeks. Today I am storing the good memories, the accomplishments, the love of the last few weeks. Today I am letting go of the sadness, the anguish, the disappointments of the last few weeks.

Sometimes life feels like it is out of control. Things come so fast that all you can do is react. I think it is important after these times to just step back and reflect, readjust and rejuvenate. For me today is that day.

Don't be afraid to give yourself permission to take a break if you are spent.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day

I can write down all my thoughts

There's no censor here

I can state just how I feel

And I can share my fears

I can pray in my own way

You can do the same

I can study what I wish

And have no fear of shame

We are blessed with freedoms

That others do not share

Purchased with a price

Of those no longer here

So as you make your choices

Each and every day

Be thankful for your freedoms

And those who joined the fray

For some did not come home

So you could live your way

All too often we get caught up in our differences and our opinions. Perhaps today we should take a step back and be thankful. Be thankful that we can have our differences and our own opinions because many men and women gave the ultimate sacrifice to protect our freedoms. Let us not forget that we have many privileges and many rights that others do not even understand.

May you have a blessed Memorial Day. May we always remember our fallen. May we always treat each other with respect in their honor.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Patriarch

Kind and loving

Patient and Wise

I see it all

In Grandpa’s eyes

With joy and peace

Faithful and good

He taught us to live

As we should

By example

And on his knees

He leads the way

To heaven’s streets

Honest and true

Pure and just

He taught us all

To live in trust

He loves his Lord

He loves his wife

He taught his children

The righteous life

He’s touched this world

With outstretched hand

Leading many

To the promised land

We all see him

Through different eyes

But we all agree

He’s very wise

He leads us still

Though we’re apart

For he is simply

Our patriarch

The last few days have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. While I said goodbye to my grandma, I also had the special privilege of connecting with my family. I had the opportunity to become acquainted with many of my cousins as adults. The last time I had seen most of them was twenty-five years ago. I was a young mother and they were still children. I enjoyed my conversation with each individually and as a group.

I had time with my aunts and uncles, my parents and my brothers. And although the time seems too brief, I will treasure each and every memory.

In the midst of the excitement I had the honor of visiting with my grandpa. At ninety-six, he is wise and ornery, reserved and vivacious, loving and direct. When I am in his presence I am flooded with the memories of many summers spent with my grandparents. I am reminded of the many times he fixed me breakfast. I am conscious of every wise statement he has said. I am overcome with the love of my grandpa.

And when I sit and observe this family, I see the influence of grandpa on every life. Whether by blood or marriage we cannot deny that he has touched our lives. He is our patriarch.

I love you grandpa.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Leap Of Faith

A leap of faith

Take the plunge

Something new

You’ve never done

You think your life

Needs a change

Be brave be bold

Do something strange

You’re not happy

The way things are

Step off the path

To be a star

You feel your life

Is in a rut

Don’t drag your feet

Instead just strut

I understand

That you’re afraid

Don’t let your dreams

Be delayed

Let go of pain

Let go of hurt

Take time to fly

Before the dirt

For when your life

Comes to an end

There’s no rewind

Can’t do it again

So often in life we are afraid to take chances. We often are stuck right where we are because of fear or insecurities or lack of faith in our own abilities. In order to make a change in our lives, we must step out of our comfort zone. Just because we haven't done it before, does not mean that we cannot do whatever we dream of doing.

If you don't like where you are, take a leap of faith, be brave, try something new. If you fail, try something else. The only true failure is to not have tried at all.

Time to jump. Are you ready? No. Let's do it anyway.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Ellen

I was just a child

Sitting at your feet

You would play your songs

And sing along so sweet

All the hymns and songs

You could simply play

I couldn’t understand

Why you would cry that way

You sang Amazing Grace

And Rock of Ages

He Lives and At the Cross

Without looking at the pages

You played The Old Rugged Cross

You sang of Joy Unspeakable

And the Old Time Power

What a Friend You Had in Jesus

Who gave you Wonderful Peace

You had Blessed Assurance

That you had been Redeemed

You Loved to Tell the Story

How Love Lifted Me

You sang of Showers of Blessings

And How Beautiful Heaven Must Be

You sang Just As I Am

Asked for Just A Closer Walk

You were Standing on the Promises

Determined to Hold the Fort

I still hear you singing

I Am Coming Lord

And Blessed Be The Name

Your Victory in Jesus

Is now within your reach

I know you hear them calling

To Come and Dine

The Mansion Over the Hilltop

Is now within your sight

It’s time to keep on walking

Into that heavenly light

Your family has all gathered

To say goodbye for now

When we All Get To Heaven

We’ll Meet You By The River

In that Sweet By and By

And then we all will sing

Blessed Be The Name

Goodbye Grandma. I Love You.

Ellen Vira Messick

Born December 28, 1918

Died May 23, 2011

Married May 23, 1936 to Lewis A. Messick

3 children

9 grandchildren

15 great grandchildren

2 great great grandchildren

Your love lives on in us.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Tick...Tick...Tick...

Time is ticking

Time is passing

Time’s a wasting

Time is marching

Time is flying

Time keeps on slipping

Tick…tick…tick

The time is ripe

The time is now

Time will tell

The time has come

Time is money

Time is up

Tick…tick…tick

Time is right

The time is now

No time like the present

It’s about time

Just passing the time

Just killing time

Running out of time

Tick...tick…tick…

A time and place

Time can heal

Take your time

Give it time

A stitch in time

All in good time

The time has come

All the time

Tick…tick…tick…

The very first time

Time after time

Third times a charm

Marking time

Time is of the essence

Spend time wisely

All the time

For the last time

Tick…tick…tick…

Time is precious

Time of your life

Good times

Time well spent

It’s about time

All in good time

Time waits for no one

This is my time

Find the time

Time out

Tick…tick…tick…

As I was making my way to San Antonio yesterday, I was thinking about the passage of time. I was thinking about my grandmother and how much she witnessed during her lifetime. I was thinking about all the good times that I remembered at her house. I thought about how as time passed I saw her less and less. Our time was running out and I was not mindful of that.

As we were taking off from Kansas City, the dark clouds were gathering. As we taxied down the runway, the rain began to fall. We rose above the clouds and headed to Dallas. As I was exiting the plane in Dallas I overheard people in the airport talking about tornadoes in Kansas City. I immediately starting texting my children to see if they were all right. My flight took off just in time.

The Dallas airport was very busy. I expected that. As I was sitting waiting for my next flight, counting down the minutes, it was announced that it would be delayed by two hours. So I spent the time reading and observing the people in the airport. I listened as many of them talked about the bad storm in Dallas the day before that caused damage to many planes cancelled many flights. The timing of my flight really was perfect. If I had flown the night before, I would have been caught in storms. If I left any later, I would have been caught in storms.

Timing is everything. Time is a gift. Time is an asset that cannot be replaced. Time is the only commodity we all have in common. It is up to us to use what we have been given. And as Marie B. Ray says "We have only this moment sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake."

We use so many things to mark the passing of time, we watch our clocks, we watch our phones, we watch our computers, we check our watches. Perhaps we should be filling our time with things that matter, instead of just marking its passing.

Tick...tick...tick...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Burning Bridges

I built a bridge
My love reaching out to you

But you did not believe

That my love was true

You covered it with trash

So kindness could not flow
Your lies, your doubt

Wouldn't let you grow

Then you lit the fire

Fueled it with your rage

I couldn't watch

I had to disengage

You mistook my silence

Believed I didn't care

Blinded by your pain

You tripped in your own snare

And though my heart does ache

I have to step aside

For I am filled with anguish

My tears will not subside

I can see you hurting

But comfort I can't give
My bridge it lies in ashes

And you cannot forgive

So I will say a prayer

And watch you from afar

And hope someday you'll see

What bridges are really for

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Imagination

Welcome to my castle
It's my special place

All my special things

Are hidden in this space

Bunnies and puppies

Monkeys and books

Are all tucked away

In my private nook

Even though my castle

To you may seem stationary

When i start to play

The places that I go are extraordinary

If you have the time

If you'd like to play

Climb inside my castle

Let troubles drift away

A couple of months ago the girls brought home a large box for Alex to play in. Alex has made it her own. She plays tea party in her own special place. She reads and rocks her babies. She kisses her animals and builds with blocks. Yesterday the girls put a pad and a pillow out in the living room that was waiting to go to the trash. Alex used them to make a nest and played all day. She wandered around the house collecting trinkets and tucking them away. She sat in her little nest talking to her animals and baby dolls.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to create a world to our liking? Wouldn't it be incredible to have a world where all is perfect? Wouldn't it be more peaceful if the world was according to our own creation?

Wouldn't it be nice if our only limitation was our own imagination?

Why can't it be?

A special thank you to Jaimee' and Marc.