Ramblings by Dawn: 2012

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I Walk

i walk

to fight the demons

i walk

to sort my thoughts

i walk

to face my failures

i walk

to find my dreams

i walk

to battle pain

i walk

to conquer fears

i walk

to ease the madness

i walk

to drown the noise

i walk

to lose the baggage

i walk

to heal my heart

i walk

to find myself

i walk...

but one day

I WILL RUN

I recently started walking every day. Every day is a new journey, a new battle, a new discovery. As I walk, my heart and mind do battle. When the weight of my past heartaches and mistakes fill my head and invade my soul, my head bows and I struggle to lift my feet. I fight to lift my head and push on, one step at a time. As I look where I am going, the disappointments of my past roll down my back. And for a brief moment I begin to dream again. I begin to see a different life. I begin to believe in me. And so, I walk.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Awakening

i looked in the mirror

i wasn't there

some other face

an empty stare

the curtains drawn

no passion burns

faded thoughts

of lessons learned

memories scattered

failures loom

is it over

seems too soon

this must change

i am not done

time to live

find the sun

stand up tall

breathe real deep

open my eyes

take the leap

The past couple of weeks I have been experiencing an awakening. I am not sure where I am headed. Don't know what the future holds. But, I do know I have spent too many years existing. Time to fly.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Learning to Walk...Again

watch your step

one foot in front of the other

one step at a time

when watching your feet

though you keep moving

there is no telling where you will end up

lose your focus

lose your dreams

lose your balance

look up

shoulders back

push forward

learn to walk

again

I walked a trail with a friend this week. Well, not the whole trail, but part of it. She encouraged me to push my shoulders back and suck in my gut. She told me to look up and taught me how to breathe. Look up and breathe. Things I had forgotten. I struggled with looking forward while walking. I was afraid of losing my balance and falling. I had to be reminded a few times to look up. Amazingly enough when I quit looking down, kept my eyes forward my balance started improving. Who knew that watching your feet actually makes it harder to balance.

The breathing, well that was more difficult to master. In fact, I am still practicing that. I am finding that breathing correctly I feel better and think more clearly. Breathing the wrong way makes me feel like I am suffocating.

Along the trail were several hills. The first couple, I thought I would die or stumble and roll back down them. As we walked the trail the hills were steeper and longer. I discovered that they didn't seem quite so bad when I looked up, focused ahead and kept breathing.

As I figured out how to keep my shoulders back, suck in my gut, look up and breathe all at the same time I was rewarded with a flood of positive energy and beautiful views of the world I live in.

Thanks to my friend...I am learning to walk again.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Beyond the Fence

through the trenches

up the hill

over the obstacles

face the fears

change the world

reach out your hand

take a trip

climb a mountain

sail the ocean

learn something new

make new friends

help those in need

find your bliss

nourish your soul

exceed the limits

reach your potential

sing

dance

love

live

the sky's the limit

beyond the fence

Every morning Drakke(the dog) and I go out the back door to greet the day. Drakke stands at the top of the stairs and looks over the fence. When he spots the neighbors dogs, he rushes down the stairs to the fence and barks. After the barking he travels around the yard next to the fence. He chases the rabbit that has slipped in under the gate. He crouches down looking under the gate longingly. He then goes around the yard again, stopping now and then to crouch down and peek under the fence. Back to the top of the stairs, he goes. He stands looking out over the fence in all directions. After a couple of minutes he goes back inside, crawls under his blanket to dream of life beyond the fence.

The saddest part of this story...I am right there watching him. In a sense, I am doing the very same thing. I grow weary of dreaming of life beyond the fence. Now if I could just remember which box I stuffed my courage in.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

As a mother...

I have learned patience

known overflowing joy

gained wisdom

cried many tears

As a mother...

I discover new perspectives

learn new talents

travel more roads

reflect more often

As a mother...

I understand forgiveness

believe in unconditional love

hope for a better world

and strive to be better every day

As a mother...

I understand consequences

value hard work

accept change

and cherish every moment

As a mother...

I am thankful for my children

They bring out the best in me

Today as I reflect on Mother's Day, I want to say thank you to my children, Marc Josef, Jayson Jeffry, Jaimee' Dawn and Kaycee JoAn. Being your mother is the greatest challenge I have ever faced, the greatest gift I have ever received, and the greatest honor I have ever known. I love each and everyone of you.

To Susan, I am so thankful that Jayson chose you to share his life. You are a wonderful wife to my son. You are an incredible mother to my granddaughter. I love you as my own.

To Alexandra, you bring me joy each and every day. I love you.

To all who wandered into my home and called me mom, thank you for letting me be a part of your life. And know that you have touched my heart.

To all the mom's, as we celebrate Mother's Day, let us count our blessings, for they are many.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

The Masterpiece

inspiration

an idea

planning

collecting

beginning

making mistakes

starting again

ever evolving

more mistakes

moving forward

creating

a masterpiece

What is a masterpiece? Do you have to be a master to create a masterpiece?

A masterpiece is what you create each day. You are the master of your own design. Some create with paint and brushes, some with clay, some with fabric and thread. All of us create a masterpiece each day. What we say, what we do, what we think all become fabric of our life. Each day a masterpiece. Each day a small piece in the grand scheme of our legacy.

Perfection is not required. In fact, mistakes are a part of the creation process. Some mistakes have to be fixed. Some will be hidden. And some become happy mistakes, adding beauty we cannot imagine.

Rejoice in the masterpiece you are creating. For there will never be another with the beauty and unique design of your masterpiece.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Roads

high road

low road

the road less traveled

choose wisely

for it not only determines

your destination

it determines

your journey

it is the journey

that determines

who we are

and who we become

it is the journey

that creates

the memories

we cherish

it is the journey

that presents

the lessons

we learn

high road

low road

the road less traveled

Why do we choose the roads we choose? So many different reasons for our choices. Sometimes we choose the road that we believe is faster. Sometimes we choose the road that looks easier. Sometimes one just looks better. Regardless of the reason, we should remember, the road we choose may not take us where we think we are going. And if we do end up where we intended, the journey may change our goals. Consider the journey when choosing your road. High road, low road, the road less traveled, which will you choose?

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Morning Dove

on the wings of a dove

comes mornings light

dispelling the darkness

of a long hard night

on the wings of a dove

hope arrives

adds new joy

to our lives

on the wings of a dove

laughter returns

bringing new truths

for us to learn

on the wings of a dove

we reach new heights

see the world

through different eyes

on the wings of a dove

comes love profound

a sense of beauty

our hearts astound

Twenty-seven years ago this morning Jaimee Dawn, my dove of the morning, arrived. From the very beginning she has offered the world a different perspective. She sees the beauty in the world as it is, and how it can be. She is passionate, loving, driven and eloquent. And I am proud to be her mom.

Happy Birthday Jaimee.

Friday, February 24, 2012

The Tree

a simple little sapling

battered by the wind

forces its roots deeper

determined to dig in

a simple little sapling

nourished by the sun

reaches for the light

determined to have fun

a simple little sapling

standing in the rain

growing ever taller

battling the pain

a simple little sapling

rising from the heat

pushing ever upward

simply won't be beat

a simple little sapling

matures through the years

learning many lessons

shedding several tears

a simple little sapling

a shadow of the past

now a mighty tree

in it's place stands fast

Twenty-five years ago today, my daughter Kaycee was born. She spent the first few years of her life chasing after her three siblings, trying to catch up. Today she has come into her own. She no longer stands in the shadows. She casts a shadow all her own. She is a loyal, loving and compassionate woman. And I am proud to be her mom.

Happy Birthday Kaycee.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Collecting Hearts

wherever i travel

whatever i do

i always collect

a trinket or two

a gift of a moment

captured in time

resides in each trinket

a memory that's mine

the ones I most cherish

are not held in my hand

they are all the friends

that make my life grand

some were too brief

some stand against time

some come and go

without reason or rhyme

each one is precious

each offers a gift

each touches my life

gives my heart a lift

to each i am grateful

for doing their part

for teaching me

to have a loving heart

To every person who has been a part of my life, thank you. To those I don't see, to those I have lost track of, to those who have gone away, thank you. To those who are still in my life, to those who are new to my life, thank you. You have touched my life, you have touched my heart and I am grateful. Though are paths have gone different ways you will always have a piece of my heart. And you will always hold a special place in my heart. You will not be forgotten.

Monday, February 20, 2012

View From The Edge

standing at the edge

approaching the brink

holding the fringe

reaching the limit

on the verge

terrifying

thrilling

overwhelming

electrifying

stimulating

spectacular

i stand

take a breath

see nothing

see everything

see despair

see opportunity

see defeat

see victory

see emptiness

see potential

this is where changes are made

In this chaotic world we live in, many of us push ourselves to the brink of disaster. Often times we allow our reactions and feelings to bring us to the edge of despair. But it is in these moments that our lives change. It is up to us.

If you find yourself standing on the edge, take a breath. Look around. The view is inspiring if you allow it to fill your soul. So many choices, so much beauty, so much potential yours for the taking.

Allow your sorrows, your disappointments, your frustrations to tumble over the edge. Then, turn around and be thankful for another day.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Heart Of A Warrior

the heart of a warrior

burns within

it leads the way

to truth

to light

the heart of a warrior

burns within

reaching out

with compassion

and might

the heart of a warrior

burns within

dreaming

of justice

and right

a better world

in it's sight

the heart of a warrior

burns within

wounded yes

not defeated

pushing forward

with kindness

forgiveness

and love

Thirty years ago today a warrior was born. He arrived two months early and started his battle with his first breath. Today he strives to do what is right, what is just, with love as his driving force. He is my son. And I am proud to be his mother.

Happy Birthday Marc.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

The Fire Within

there is a fire

that burns

in the recesses

of my soul

this is my passion

my drive

my purpose

my design

to deny this fire

invites chaos

confusion

and depression

to invade my life

the fire

will rage

against all else

to be consumed

by the fire

is to find

harmony

within myself

to embrace

the fire

is to live

my life

to it's greatest

potential

to release the fire

is my way

to change

my world

my fire

my passion

my design

my destiny

my life

let the fire burn

All to often the search to find ourselves, to discover our purpose, to reach our potential becomes stagnant and useless. We spend so much time looking at the world around us to find the answers. If you truly want to find yourself, I suggest a mirror. We will not find ourselves by traveling the world, trying new things, or waiting for them to fall in our laps. We already have the information. It is within us. Take a look. See the light? Feel the burn of passion? This is your purpose. This is your destiny.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Tending The Garden

a child is born

loved

nurtured

cherished

taught

grows

a child reaches out

makes a friend

learns to share

learns to care

plants a seed

starts a garden

Alexandra has made a new friend. A whole new world of experiences has opened up to her. She asks about Abby all the time. She is sad when she goes home. She can hardly wait to see her again. Alexandra is already aware of the importance of friends in her life.

As adults, I fear we lose some of that awareness. We get busy with life. We get caught up in the "busy-ness" of our day. Perhaps we should take a lesson from the children. Is it time to tend the garden?

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Out Of Hiding

i've been hiding

wrapped up tight

tossing and turning

my hair's a fright

i am blinded

by the light

if you touch me

i may bite

i am wounded

i can't fight

if you push me

i'll take flight

i hear your words

my heart ignites

inside my chest

a riot incites

i feel your love

as it invites

my soul to step

outside it's plight

i look back

i feel contrite

to leave this place

would bring delight

but something's amiss

something's not quite right

so here i stay

for one more night

Sometimes life's path leads us through trials, missteps and disappointments that wound our heart and soul. It is not uncommon to pull away and build a safe space for ourselves. This works for awhile. And can give our hearts time to heal. The most difficult part of this strategy is stepping back out into the world, reaching out once again. Sometimes the wounds are so deep that a simple statement, a tone of voice, a harmless gesture can send us running back to our safe place. It takes courage to reach out. Courage wavers in the shadow of a wounded soul.

When you see a wounded soul, be kind. Remember they are still healing. And healing takes time. Compassion and understanding can help the wounded souls rediscover their courage.

If you are a wounded soul, i hope you find your courage once again. I hope you find kindness, compassion, understanding and love that heals your wounds.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Never Quite The Same

nice and neat

perfectly wound

spring in my step

energy abounds

i slink down the stairs

and stretch out far

make fun noises

i am a star

i love to play

i don't care how

i snap right back

at least 'til now

life has taken

a funny turn

i'm twisted and tangled

and a bit concerned

i've lost my shape

i can't spring back

my mind is slipping

fear i will crack

i am stretched

and out of shape

need some love

perhaps some tape

along the way

i've been off track

there are things

i can't take back

i take some time

unwind the knots

cleanse my heart

wipe out the spots

now i know

it's not a game

and i will never

be quite the same

Alexandra thinks that her GG is magic and can fix anything. Oh how I wish it were true. When she handed me the tangled slinky and said "fix it, GG, fix it", I tried. I was able to get the tangles out. But, the slinky certainly did not look the same.

As we walk our life's path we should remember the slinky. You can stretch it and pull it. You can walk it down the stairs. But when it gets tangled, it will never be the same. We allow things to get us all tied in knots, we make questionable choices, we don't pay attention to where our life is headed. All of these things can tangle our hearts and our souls. As a result, we are never quite the same.

So as you walk through your day, consider the slinky.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Winds of Change

i love the wind

the gentle breeze

the forceful gust

the blowing leaves

the icy chill

i love the wind

it brings a change

a new adventure

a fresh perspective

a promise for the future

i love the wind

it steals my breath

it awakens my senses

it tussles my hair

it cools me down

i love the wind

it reminds me

to keep moving

let go of my sorrows

and reach for tomorrow

There are times that I wish I could hang onto a moment in my life forever. But if I did, it would lose its value. There are times, painful times that seem to last far too long. Either way, I am always thankful for the winds that bring a change in my life. I cherish the precious moments. And I release the painful times while holding onto the lessons learned. I love the wind.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Master Of The Game

life is a game

or so you say

and you believe

we all should play

you set the rules

you make the moves

then your surprised

when you lose

you treat people

like a pawn

look around

and they are gone

you change the rules

you twist the game

and find someone else

to take the blame

your mistake

right from the start

was playing games

with someone's heart

now they are gone

and you're in pain

thoughts are swirling

in your brain

now your life

goes up in flames

as they become

master of the game

When it comes to matters of the heart or life in general, we should not play games. Ultimately, when you play games with someone's heart yours will also be wounded in the fray. When we are hurt and strike out in retaliation wounds become deeper, scars more permanent. When we allow ourselves to react without thought or consideration everyone loses. When it comes to matters of the heart, don't play. When it comes to life, don't play. Live it.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

I Know A Man

i know a man

a godly man

compassion in his heart

a patient man

understanding is his art

a loving man

wisdom he imparts

a forgiving man

believes in a fresh start

a humble man

simply doing his part

i know a man

he is my dad

and when you say

i am like him

my heart is truly glad

Through the years I have watched my dad reach out to so many people. I have watched him mourn with them, celebrate with them, guide them and comfort them. There were times as a child I was jealous of the time he spent with other people. But most of the time, I was amazed by how much he touched their lives simply by loving them. He encouraged people to be themselves. He taught them be their very best. He helped them discover new talents. He applauded every success.

Yesterday I was blessed to watch an outpouring of appreciation and love for dad and his life's work. I watched video greetings from around the world. I looked at cards from all over the United States. I visited with people representing so many years of ministry. My dad was surprised, overwhelmed and speechless. When he finally found words, "I was just doing what I thought was right".

To all of you who contributed to this occasion, thank you for honoring my dad. It was a blessing for him and for my entire family. Blessings to each of you and your families.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Idea

big plans

great ideas

sparks of genius

epiphany

light bulb

and yet

useless

until you

execute the plan

act on the idea

add fuel to the fire

acknowledge the lesson

screw in the light bulb

It is one thing to know what you should do or could do. It is another entirely to actually do it. Let your genius show. Let the world see your unique inspiration. Let your light shine.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Inspiration

inspire

light a fire

spark an idea

encourage the impossible

reach beyond limits

step out of the box

throw the box away

be bold

radiate confidence

emanate hope

saturate your life with love

let it freely flow

wherever you may go

bathe in inspiration

inspire your world

What inspires you? Not what drives you. If you are driven, you are being pushed. To be inspired is to reach for something, to move forward, to progress. So what inspires you? What lights the fire that burns in your soul? What releases your passion? What encourages you to dream big? Whatever it is, chase it, reach for it, hold onto it. And then, share with the world around you so they may be inspired too. Inspiration breeds hope, possibilities and growth. We need more inspiration.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

It Only Takes One

one more

just one

come on

give me just one

it doesn't matter which one

just one

that is all i need

please just one

only one

any one

but please

give me one

Ever feel like life is teasing you? Do you play the if only game? If only I had done it yesterday. If only I had left sooner. If only I had listened. If only I had been quicker. If only.... Sometimes it can be discouraging. Sometimes it feels like you are just missing the mark. Don't give up. You are where you are, and you are who you are. It only becomes a tragedy if you quit. Keep going, the one may be just around the next corner.