Ramblings by Dawn

Monday, May 23, 2011

The Game

I love games

With dice or cards

I will play

With tokens and boards

Games with Life

I will not play

For then the Risk

Is far too great

Life's too dear

For Trivial Pursuit's

Don't care for Ladders

Not fond on Chutes

Don't need the Aggravation

Can't afford to lose my Marbles

No one holds Monopoly

Of my head or heart

Sometimes it Boggle's my mind

That people Go to War

Allowing all those around

To take shots at their Battleship

I'm Sorry for their Trouble

I watch them Pick Up Sticks

And again pull out their Spades

To dig at people's Hearts

They wander through the Labyrinth

Searching for Candyland

Hoping for the Queen of Hearts

Stuck in a game of Twister

And end up holding the Old Maid

I choose to be the Mastermind

Determine my own fate

Placing all my Concentration

On searching for the Clue's

For soon I will have Uno

And I would like to win

When the last hand's dealt

And I hold the Ace of Spades

I don't want to hear

Checkmate

Sometimes we forget that life is not a game. So many of us are always trying to win something. We try to be better than everyone else. We want to be right, and everyone else wrong. We want to be the smartest, the strongest, the best at everything. Life is a journey. And the treasures are those we collect along the way. The memories, the friends, our family, becoming the person we were meant to be these are the only trophies that hold value.

When we get caught up in the game, we risk losing the best parts of our life and the best parts of ourself. When we play board games, if we lose we can play again. Life is not this way. If you lose at life, there is no second chance. And regardless of how we play the game, the end result is the same for all of us. Life ends with death.

So today, I put away the games. Today I value my life. Today I collect more memories. Today I reach out to those I love. Today I live.

Care to join me?

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Darkness

Beauty in the darkness

Shadows of the past

Glimpses of the future

I know that it won't last

This darkness in my soul

Leads me on my journey

To find the light

And shine it bright

For it will calm the fury

I won't fight the darkness

I won't live in fear

I won't give it power

That it does not deserve

So when the darkness comes

When it floods my soul

I will sit here calmly

Embracing not the cold

For I have this assurance

This darkness that I feel

Is but a fleeting moment

A transition if you will

And when the morning dawns

I embrace the promise

And the darkness of my soul

Becomes completely harmless

Did you ever have such a restless night that you get tangled in the sheets? Struggling against the darkness increases panic, frustration and desperation, much like tangled sheets. The more you struggle the worse it becomes. The more you fight, the more your energy drains. Instead of resting in the darkness and letting the darkness cradle you, you fight. If we learn to embrace the darkness, we learn to harness it's energy. If we learn to let the darkness run it's course, we can walk boldly into the light. The more we fight the darkness, the longer the darkness lasts. The more we try to deny the darkness, the more it invades our being. The more we wrestle with the darkness, the more tangled and frustrated we become. Calm your mind, release your anger, your resentment, your frustration, your desperation. This darkness does not define you. Do not let darkness become your home. Prepare to walk boldly into the light.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Chrysalis

A chance to soar

A chance to fly

I've done my time

Crawled through the slime

I've taken in

All things around

The good, the bad

The happy, the sad

I've grown and shed

So many times

To get to this

My chrysalis

And now I'm here

To take the time

To reflect on things

Till I get my wings

When I emerge

From this spot

What colors

Will I take with me

Will the sadness

Dull my wings

Or will I cling

To better things

While I'm here

I hope to heal

So I can fly

With zeal

I hope I take

The best of life

And leave behind

All the strife

I want to fly

on wings of love

For this is my time

My time to rise above

Life is not easy. Sometimes the struggle is within ourselves. Sometimes the struggle comes from our choices. Sometimes the struggle comes from those around us. Sometimes the struggle is from something way beyond our control. And though the struggles are painful, this is where we learn. From the ashes beauty is born. Even though we do not always choose our struggles, we do choose our reaction. We are responsible for what we become.

If you are struggling, fight on. If you have reached exhaustion, form a chrysalis and rest. And while you rest, reflect on what you are becoming. Reflect on how high you will fly. Reflect on the cool wind beneath your wings. Reflect on the warmth of the sun. What will you choose to take with you? And what will you leave behind?

Friday, May 20, 2011

I'm Still Here

I said I love you

I've said it many times

I know right now you doubt it

But my love still shines

I know that we have struggles

We don't see eye to eye

But still my love remains

Even though it makes us cry

So stomp your feet

And throw your spears

I'm still here

To catch your tears

Toss your daggers

And hurtful words

Fire your cannons

I'm still here

My love is unconditional

Though it causes me pain

Though my tears

My heart have stained

I'm still here

My love still stands

So when you grow weary

And the smoke has cleared

I still love you

And I'm still here

When I say I love you, do you understand what it means? Do you realize that I am making a commitment to you? Do you understand I will be there even when things get rough? Do you know that love goes beyond the giddy, dancing, rainbow moments? Can you comprehend the principles of honesty, truth, perserverence and determination that are part of that love?

Love is not just a bed of roses. Love is so much more. Love is going through the battles together. Love is finding each other in the darkest times. Love is the assurance that no matter what, we will overcome. Love is being brutally honest with each other and still hanging on. Love is pointing out the pitfalls. Love is dusting each other off. Love is tears and pain at times. But, love is comfort in the storm. Love is carrying you when you just can't go on. Love is unconditional.

Love is best explained in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

So again I say, I love you. And when you need me, I'm still here.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Phone Call To God

Hello God,

This is Dawn

I’m sure you’ve heard my name

My grandma calls it out to you

Every single day

My grandma is preparing

To take a final trip

She will soon be standing

Just outside your gates

She will be rejoicing

And calling out your name

For she has always loved you

And that will never change

God, I have a question

A favor, I guess you’d say

Could you give my grandma

A very special place

She's a special woman
I'm sure you know her works
She's handled every problem
With kindness and with grace

By grandpa's side
For all these years
Teaching your forgiveness
And reaching out in love

They have led their family
According to your word
Guided by your wisdom
Firmly in their faith

So please God
Prepare for her a special place
And should you have a moment

If it’s not too much to ask

Could you give her one last hug

And tell her…

It’s from me

No matter how hard my days have been, I have always had the assurance that grandma was praying for my protection and well being. She has always accepted me and loved me even when I have made my mistakes. And even though I know that she is ready to leave this world, I will miss knowing she is there, praying for me every morning.

I love you grandma.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Feel My Heart

Can you feel my heart

Can you feel the depth

Can you feel the love

Can you feel the pain

Can you feel the compassion

Can you feel the desire

Can you feel the betrayal

Can you feel the hope

Can you feel the strength

Can you feel forgiveness

Can you feel the anguish

Can you feel my heart

Alexandra arrived sick today. You could see it in her eyes. You could feel it in her fever. You could see it in her actions. You could feel it in her hugs. I considered moving Alexandra's Art day to tomorrow. When I asked her if she wanted to pick up Uncle Marc, she immediately started signing his name and her eyes became brighter. I could feel her excitement. When we arrived home, I could feel her determination to do art today.

A child's heart shines through every action, every expression, every sound they make. And I am still amazed and intrigued by the heart of a child. It also begs the question, what dims the light? What closes the heart? What happens to a child's heart that causes them to be cautious? Where is the innocence and beauty of a youthful heart?

As a mother I know the beauty of my children's hearts. I know the compassion. I know the depth. I know the pain they feel. When their heart is wounded, I am. When they are discouraged, I am. When they are overflowing with love, I am. For that is the heart of a mother.

As I walk my path day after day, I try to live from my heart. I try to be compassionate. I try to be understanding. I try to be truthful. I try to be protective. The pain I often feel is when being honest hurts those around me, the ones I love. The struggle becomes doing what my heart knows is right even though it makes my heart ache. And so I ask, do you feel my heart?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Talking Stick

The talking stick of old

Encouraged our ancestors

To speak with courage

And from the heart

The talking stick of days gone by

Taught our forefathers

To listen in silence

And with respect

As time marched on

The talking stick

Was soon replaced

By paper and pen

Hearts poured out

Upon the page

Thoughts declared

Ideas proclaimed

Now we have the electronic age

Computers and facebook

Cell phones and texts

No contact exists

How can we listen

How can we share

Words are all shortened

No passion exists

The talking stick was used by several American Indian tribes in council circles. The leader of the tribe would usually speak first and set the tone for the circle. When he was finished he would hold the talking stick out and someone else would take the stick and share their thoughts. If you did not have the talking stick you sat in silence and listened.

The talking stick had an eagle's feather to represent courage and wisdom to encourage one to speak truthfully and wisely. It had rabbit fur to encourage words that came from the heart and to speak soft and warm. There were four colors of beads to represent the power of the universe so that you could speak what was in your heart. The talking stick also had buffalo hair to empower the speaker. The Amercian Indians realized that a sacred spark or light of the Great Spirit lived in everyone, making everyone sacred. If they could not honor the talking stick with their words, they chose to refrain from speaking and listened.

Evolution has occurred. Now we communicate by computer and cell phones. We have created a new language made of acronyms and shorthand. We no longer speak in full sentences or have complete thoughts. We don't really take the time to hear what the other person is saying. We fire off text after text without waiting for a response. How can you know that my heart aches if you cannot see the tears? How can you feel my compassion if you cannot hear my tone? How can you read between the lines when the lines are incomplete?

I am not saying that cell phones and computers do not have some positive points. I love my daily chats with my mom on facebook. I enjoy sharing good news in mass on facebook. I find writing on the computer allows my thoughts to flow more freely. However, I am disheartened by the fact that we no longer have filters. Angry words fly about and hit more than the attended target. Hurtful words damage sometimes beyond repair. Conversations are no longer heart to heart.

It is time for each of us to take responsibility for our words. It is time for each of us to respect those around us. It is time to make sure our thoughts are clearly stated. It is our responsibility to not assume we understand, but instead, really listen. It is time to use our hearts, respect the power of the word and honor our fellow man.