Ramblings by Dawn: September 2012

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I Walk

i walk

to fight the demons

i walk

to sort my thoughts

i walk

to face my failures

i walk

to find my dreams

i walk

to battle pain

i walk

to conquer fears

i walk

to ease the madness

i walk

to drown the noise

i walk

to lose the baggage

i walk

to heal my heart

i walk

to find myself

i walk...

but one day

I WILL RUN

I recently started walking every day. Every day is a new journey, a new battle, a new discovery. As I walk, my heart and mind do battle. When the weight of my past heartaches and mistakes fill my head and invade my soul, my head bows and I struggle to lift my feet. I fight to lift my head and push on, one step at a time. As I look where I am going, the disappointments of my past roll down my back. And for a brief moment I begin to dream again. I begin to see a different life. I begin to believe in me. And so, I walk.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Awakening

i looked in the mirror

i wasn't there

some other face

an empty stare

the curtains drawn

no passion burns

faded thoughts

of lessons learned

memories scattered

failures loom

is it over

seems too soon

this must change

i am not done

time to live

find the sun

stand up tall

breathe real deep

open my eyes

take the leap

The past couple of weeks I have been experiencing an awakening. I am not sure where I am headed. Don't know what the future holds. But, I do know I have spent too many years existing. Time to fly.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Learning to Walk...Again

watch your step

one foot in front of the other

one step at a time

when watching your feet

though you keep moving

there is no telling where you will end up

lose your focus

lose your dreams

lose your balance

look up

shoulders back

push forward

learn to walk

again

I walked a trail with a friend this week. Well, not the whole trail, but part of it. She encouraged me to push my shoulders back and suck in my gut. She told me to look up and taught me how to breathe. Look up and breathe. Things I had forgotten. I struggled with looking forward while walking. I was afraid of losing my balance and falling. I had to be reminded a few times to look up. Amazingly enough when I quit looking down, kept my eyes forward my balance started improving. Who knew that watching your feet actually makes it harder to balance.

The breathing, well that was more difficult to master. In fact, I am still practicing that. I am finding that breathing correctly I feel better and think more clearly. Breathing the wrong way makes me feel like I am suffocating.

Along the trail were several hills. The first couple, I thought I would die or stumble and roll back down them. As we walked the trail the hills were steeper and longer. I discovered that they didn't seem quite so bad when I looked up, focused ahead and kept breathing.

As I figured out how to keep my shoulders back, suck in my gut, look up and breathe all at the same time I was rewarded with a flood of positive energy and beautiful views of the world I live in.

Thanks to my friend...I am learning to walk again.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Beyond the Fence

through the trenches

up the hill

over the obstacles

face the fears

change the world

reach out your hand

take a trip

climb a mountain

sail the ocean

learn something new

make new friends

help those in need

find your bliss

nourish your soul

exceed the limits

reach your potential

sing

dance

love

live

the sky's the limit

beyond the fence

Every morning Drakke(the dog) and I go out the back door to greet the day. Drakke stands at the top of the stairs and looks over the fence. When he spots the neighbors dogs, he rushes down the stairs to the fence and barks. After the barking he travels around the yard next to the fence. He chases the rabbit that has slipped in under the gate. He crouches down looking under the gate longingly. He then goes around the yard again, stopping now and then to crouch down and peek under the fence. Back to the top of the stairs, he goes. He stands looking out over the fence in all directions. After a couple of minutes he goes back inside, crawls under his blanket to dream of life beyond the fence.

The saddest part of this story...I am right there watching him. In a sense, I am doing the very same thing. I grow weary of dreaming of life beyond the fence. Now if I could just remember which box I stuffed my courage in.